At the beginning of my first year of grad school, I made a promise to myself that I would keep up with this blog ‘o mine. I would journal all the fun experiences of this new, adult-like chapter of my life, write about it eloquently and share it with the curious people of Internet-land.
Turns out, that was an unrealistic goal. I’m not sure where I thought all this extra time would come from, time I could spend editing and proofreading my posts. However, in looking back at the 14 posts I’ve done, I noticed that I managed to squeak out a few entertaining and even helpful posts….mainly recipes, but who doesn’t like a good recipe? I also couldn’t help but notice the light-heartedness of my earlier entries, which hit me hard as I sat down to write this current entry. My, how things have changed.
With the looming fear and excitement of graduation, layered on top of endless job applications, I’ve noticed myself feeling more and more anxious. Sleep doesn’t come as easily as it used to, my stomach turns when I check my bank statements, and the question “what are you doing next year?” automatically puts a lump in my throat. On top of all that, I’m watching my friends (my age and younger) get engaged, get married and babies. I am extremely happy for all of them- please don’t misunderstand me. I am very happy and supportive of all my friends…and yet, the happiness is always accompanied by a slight sting of a jealousy mixed with “will I ever have that?” I can’t help but feel like I’m getting to old, or that I’m “stuck”, or that my time is running out. When I mentioned this to a friend, they replied with a rather thought provoking statement:
“If you ever feel stuck or that your life isn’t going anywhere, look at where you were this time last year. I guarantee, it will put things into perspective.”
Hm. Interesting. Let’s see:
THIS TIME LAST YEAR, I:
* was struggling in a horrible living situation
* was in the beginning phases of a relationship
* weighed more
* wasn’t in shape
* didn’t know how to write a lesson plan
* didn’t know how to structure a unit
* choreographed two shows
* directed a play
* was looking at apartments
* didn’t have to worry about the job hunt
THIS YEAR, I:
* am deliriously happy in my relationship of almost a year and a half
* am in good shape and a good weight
* live in a beautiful apartment with great roommates
* am student teaching and choreographing middle school 5 days a week
* can create curriculum, lesson plans, and units
* can successfully execute a lesson for different grades and time constraints
* have picked up my cap and gown for graduation
* finished all the necessary paperwork for graduation and student teaching completion
* attended a theatre education conference in Chicago
* spent 10 days with my boyfriend and his parents in Colorado for the holidays
* am actively on numerous job search website
* have a professional CV, website, and portfolio
Alright, maybe I’m not as bad off as I once thought. Maybe we can all take my friend’s advice: start appreciating how far we’ve come, and stop dwelling on how far we need to go.
Reflect. Breathe. Appreciate.